Dealing With Emotional Pain

Dealing With Emotional Pain

Human life is never pain or sorrow free—that is life, whether you like it or not.

Human pain is intensified by the human mind, which seeks to deny and to avoid it. To alleviate the pain, focus the mind on the present moment. Accept it, and cope with it, instead of fighting against it.

Suffering, pain, and misery are necessary for the co-existence of contentment, pleasure, and happiness, just as sickness and health are at the far ends of that same phenomenological spectrum. According to TAO wisdom (the ancient wisdom from China), these extremes in human experience are not only temporary but also unnatural; they are just the cycles of nature in which the pendulum swings back and forth from one end to the other. Therefore, it is human folly to attempt to avoid or to resist experiencing these swings; by doing so, man throws himself out of balance with nature, and thus not only intensifies but also unduly prolongs his suffering. According to TAO, acceptance holds the key:

“Accept misfortune as the human condition. . .

What do you mean by

‘Accept misfortune as the human condition’?

Misfortune comes from having a body.

Without a body, how could there be misfortune?”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 13)

The TAO solution to human pain and suffering is non-judgment through focusing on the present moment.

Emotional pain often leaves behind a residue of pain that continues to live on in you. Combined with the accumulated pain in the past, the new emotional pain begins to merge with that in the past, giving it a newer dimension with greater intensity.

To illustrate, we often find ourselves burst into uncontrollable anger when triggered by an unpleasant incident, and begin lashing at the aggressor with outbursts of past grudges and grievances that have nothing to do with the present incident. Our emotional pain can only feed on past pain, and thus creating more pain—a vicious circle of misery and suffering.

Staying in the present moment may enable you to confront uour subconscious identification with the past thoughts deeply embedded in your subconscious mind. Maybe you are not the person you think you are, and you are simply afraid to face the pain that lives in you. As long as the fear is not overcome, you will continue to think you are the person you think you are, and you will continue to experience the past pain for the rest of your life.

Remember, emotional pain is caused by emotional thoughts, which generate negative energy that causes body-and-mind pain.

For example, through the subconscious mind, angry thoughts on what someone did to you become “you” because you identify them with you. The emotional pain then becomes “you” because where there is anger there is also pain.

The wisdom of TAO is to use the present moment to dis-identify yourself from your mind; by shattering the deceptive mind identification, you begin to see the light and the ultimate truth. It is like the Biblical wisdom expressed by Apostle Paul when he said: “Everything is being shown up by being exposed to the light, and whatever is exposed to the light itself becomes light.” (Ephesians 5:13)

Stephen Lau

Copyright©2018 by Stephen Lau

Don’t Let Your Mind Slip!

Don’t Let Your Mind Slip!

Do you want to have a better brain even as you age? If yes, then don't let your mind slip!

The human brain has great potential—even for those for who have dementia or memory problems. Your have fully utilized only a fraction of what the human mind is capable of. Therefore, it is never too late to harness the untapped potential of your mind. Don't let your mind slip!

Years ago, Richard Welch, scientist and researcher, developed a reading speed program, and in the process of research and development also discovered an amazing scientific program called Mental Photography. His amazing scientific proven phenomenon can help you harness 98 percent of your untapped brain.

How does Mental Photography work?

Richard Welch’s state-of-the-art system trains your subconscious mind so your memory becomes razor sharp. According to his groundbreaking research, if you have acquired the ability to absorb information speedily, you can then effectively store the information in your long-term memory. No only that, you can store every single word in your long-term memory for life, such that you will never forget it and you can always retrieve it at your will.

But how do you remember it in the first place?

A razor sharp memory requires concentration and focus. Richard Welch uses Albert Einstein’s “Distraction Index” which is a simple but extremely effective exercise that gives you 100 percent laser targeted focus and concentration. He shows step-by-step how you can spend 10 minutes a day just to maintain what you have stored in your long-term memory. You will be able to retrieve the information at any time, and automatically remember things that were once forgotten. Isn’t that remarkable?

Senior moments are common among seniors. But it does not have to be like that. A better brain with a powerful memory and targeted focus will give you an edge in every aspect of life, even as you continue to age. Mental Photography can effectively reduce the amount of sleep you need and make you wake up feeling great with more energy and enthusiasm than ever before. Help your brain remember the things you wish to remember. Do not let your mind slip. Brain health holds the key to longevity health.

For more information on how to build a better brain, go to ZOX Mind Training System.

Stephen Lau

Copyright © 2018 by Stephen Lau

  

Always Think Like Santa Claus

Always think like Santa Claus no matter when. 

Your Golden Years and Santa Claus explains the wisdom of living in the present, the wisdom of letting go, and the wisdom of not picking and choosing -- they are the essentials for happy and successful aging in the golden years. Learn how to think and act like Santa Claus in your golden years.

Your future is always unknown and unknowable, but it is your readiness to get new information and to use your new experience to reassess your current situation that provides a light at the end of the tunnel.

Wake up from your nightmare and live a life that you rightly deserve in your golden years.

Growing older sucks. The alternative is to die younger.

So, make the best and the most of your remaining years; turn them into the golden years of your life in spite of any frailty and adversity you may be facing. Remember, life is a task-master: it teaches you not only how to survive in any challenging circumstance but also how to live as if everything is a miracle, especially in your golden years.

Use Santa Claus as your role model to start believing in yourself, developing the right mindset of successful aging, and acting appropriately and positively. Santa Claus may not be a magic-bullet solution to all your life problems and challenges, but he certainly may open unexpected doors for you in your golden years.

Stephen Lau

Copyright©2018 by Stephen Lau

Change of Lifestyle

Depression, irrespective of the type, can wear you out: sapping both your mental and physical energy, leaving you with the painful feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Once you accept that you have an illness that needs lifestyle changes, the next step is to rethink your current lifestyle. This is hard and it may take some time, but recognizing the need for lifestyle changes is the first step. Remember, if you are not aware of the need, you will continue to become what you have been for the rest of your life.

The next step is deciding to make the lifestyle changes. Make the decision now.

Lifestyle management holds the key to managing your depression. Understandably, you are adamant to changes. It is not you but your brain that does not want to make lifestyle changes. Your brain simply cannot regulate the chemicals needed to keep you stable through these changes. Admit that a depressive brain does not like changes of any kind. However, make the lifestyle changes anyway.

Forget the time it may take you to change, focus on what you can do, and just do it every day, step by baby step. Your future will show you the way. 

If you feel too sick to make significant lifestyle changes, then make just one.

Stabilizing Brain Chemicals

If you recognize and believe that your depression is due to imbalance of your brain chemicals, then you should stabilize those brain chemicals.  

Many people can drink coffee and alcohol, and smoke, but not an individual with depression, in particular, with moods disorder. Any stimulant, such as caffeine, will de-stabilize your brain chemicals. 

Caffeine is a seductive chemical, which gives you energy. The problem is that you need to keep having the caffeine in order to keep you energized. Caffeine de-stabilizes your moods by affecting your sleep patterns. Caffeine is especially bad for bipolar disorder mood swings.

If you think alcohol can help you fall asleep faster, think again! Alcohol reduces your time spent in deep sleep, thereby instrumental in affecting your moods adversely by making your more depressed. Never use alcohol to self-medicate.

The sooner you accept that your brain is different and make the lifestyle changes you need to stabilize your brain chemicals, the better you can stabilize your moods. 

Structuring Your Lifestyle

A well-structured lifestyle makes a significant difference in managing depression of any type. Consistency and regularity hold the key to regulating your brain chemicals. 

How you start your morning can make a big difference in your moods. Start the day with a plan for wellness for lifestyle changes:

The morning routine

To stimulate your endorphins and serotonin, do a twenty-minute exercise immediately after you wake up. Go for a walk if the weather permits. If not, do some exercise indoors, such as stretching or yoga. Exercise your body right after you wake up, before you do anything else. Putting it off to some time later in the day may mean not doing it at all. Go to my website Body Fitness Resources and Mind Fitness Resources to get all your resources to reduce stress and promote mental health.


Yoga may help you not only relax and exercise your body, but also calm your mind and spirit. The techniques are simple and easy to follow.

Use the Chinese Qi Gong exercise to awake yourself to a healthy body and mind.

Take your daily vitamins, such as omega 3 fish oil, multi-B vitamins, and daily multi vitamins and minerals to boost your immune system.

Understandably, it may be difficult to get out of bed, if you are depressed. This is normal. However, when you are not depressed, always start you day off right. Soon, you will start to see substantial results. Make your morning session your daily routine. 

The daily sunlight

Make time to get yourself exposed to bright sunlight each day. 

Your body is designed for exposure to sunlight through your eyes and your skin. Your pineal gland, which governs your endocrine system, responds directly to light and darkness.

Remember, the sun is a great natural healer: its eternal sunshine not only gives you solar energy to kill germs, but also provides you with vitamin D.

Like exercise, bright sunlight has a significant impact on your neurotransmission. On entering the eye, sunlight activates your retinal-hypothalamic nerve, thereby stimulating your moods, sleep cycles, appetite, and sex drive. Bask in morning or evening sunlight for ten to twenty minutes will do wonders to your brain. Let sunshine massage your skin and relax your body and mind. 

Dealing with Sleep Problems

Sleep is a potent regulator of your brain chemistry. Sleep is essential to good mental health. Unfortunately, the difficulty to sleep is one the main problems of mental depression, especially in bipolar depression. 

Sleeping too much or too little is a characteristic symptom of depression. Monitoring your sleep patterns may help controlling your sleep problems. Taking prescription or over-the-counter sleep medications do not alleviate your sleep problems. Only lifestyle changes can change your sleep patterns.

Any one or all of the following may have triggered your sleep problems:

Your depression: anxiety; hypersomnia (sleeping too much) leading to extreme daytime fatigue, and insomnia.  

Your medications: decongestants; weight loss medications; over-the-counter sleeping aids.

Yourself: irregular sleep-and-wake-up time; taking long afternoon naps; caffeine and other stimulants, such as alcohol.

Recognize triggers of your sleep problems, and make the necessary lifestyle changes.

What makes you sleep

You are put to sleep by two processes: sleep homeostat, which tells you to go to bed after a certain amount of time awake, and to wake up after a certain amount of time asleep; and biological clock, which is a daily cycle unique to each individual.

However, your biological clock can overcome your homeostat—unless your “sleep debt” is much too huge. Therefore, if you force yourself to stay awake, you may actually be able to stay awake but at the expense of making you more prone to sleep problems down the road, a characteristic of depression.

A completely dark environment is essential to a full deep sleep. Your body is not completely shut down until there is complete darkness, which is conducive to a healthy deep sleep.

How to obtain a deep sleep

Make simple lifestyle changes to obtain a deep sleep to benefit your major depression.

Always keep a regular bed and wake time, even on holidays and weekends. Do not upset your biological clock.

Maintain a relaxing daily routine prior to sleep, such as a hot bath, a massage, or some relaxing music.

Create a sleep-conducive environment, such as a quiet and complete dark room.

Do not eat or even snack at least three hours before bedtime: a full stomach often makes deep sleep more difficult.

Get some natural sunlight in the afternoon each day to promote deep sleep.

Regular exercise may enhance deep sleep. However, do not exercise right before bedtime.

Natural sleep, without the use of medication, is not an option.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau 

  

Discipline the Mind

Discipline and Your Smart Baby

Children need discipline, including babies and toddlers. Discipline is a process of teaching your baby to be an independent being through self-control and self-regulation by establishing certain boundaries and reinforcing them so that he has a mental pattern of what he should or shouldn’t do.

Studies have shown that the way parents handle discipline can affect positively or negatively the IQ of their children. Children growing up in a hostile and restrictive home tend to have a lower IQ than those who come from a loving and democratic one. Drawing the fine line may not be easy, but it is not impossible. 

Do establish discipline based on your beliefs and values.

Do explain the rules, and why those rules are there. Do make sure your child understands them.

Do make your instructions clear and authoritative. Don’t put them in the form of a request, such as “Can you, please, stop that?”

Don’t give out too many rules at one time. Saying “No” is ineffective; your baby might even think that his name is “No.”

Do be firm. A loud “No!” or “Don’t do that!” is okay with a toddler or child; for a baby, use sign language.

Don’t spank your toddler. Why not? It only shows you’ve lost control yourself, and you’re also showing your child that it’s okay to use force to dominate others. Don’t let your child model your improper conduct.

Don’t inflict any physical punishment. Don’t shake your baby or toddler. There are many instances of death resulting from shaking babies and toddlers. Shaken babies may experience brain damage, resulting in mental retardation and even blindness.

Do be consistent with your reaction to certain unwanted behavior. Any inconsistent discipline only confuses your child.

Do discipline immediately, and not after the fact.

Do give your child a good reason to obey, such as “Go to bed now, and I’ll tell you a story.” But don’t make it bribery.

Do show yourself as a loving and affirming parent. Do offer reassurance to your child that you still love him even though his behavior may be unacceptable, requiring discipline.

Discipline plays a pivotal role in the emotional and intellectual development of your baby, toddler, and child. Remember this: babies are egocentric, and they think the world revolves around them. Introduce discipline at around nine months of age, and not before that.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau