Balance and Harmony
The Way Through Human Conflicts
Human conflicts are many. The Way is the only
way to go through them, rather than
avoiding them.
Balance and harmony
Always maintain your internal balance and
harmony. Remember, the world around you is always a reflection of what is deep
inside you.
“The Way
is easy,
yet
people prefer distracting detours.
Beware
when things are out of balance.
Remain
centered within the Creator.
Distractions
are many,
in the
form of riches and luxuries.
They
allure us from the Way.
Accumulations
are like extortions of the poor.
They
bring only disaster and suffering.
Do not
deviate from the Way.”
(Lao
Tzu, Tao
Te Ching, Chapter 53)
“When
there is no desire to be someone that we are not,
separate
from our true nature designed by the Creator,
all
things are in perfect balance and harmony.” (Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 37)
Five elements and
natural cycle
The five elements of the
ancient Chinese are: metal, wood, water, fire, and earth.
The five elements
balance and complement one another to create both internal harmony and a
natural cycle. To illustrate, water nourishes trees or wood; without wood,
there will be no fire (which burns wood); without fire burning wood, there will
be no earth (the ashes from the burnt wood); without earth, there will be no
metal (from the earth itself); through condensation, fire heats metal to
produce water; without metal, there will be no water; without water, there will
be no tree or wood.
These five elements are
interdependent on one another for their own existence in the form of a natural
cycle. In many respects, human relationships and our dealings with one another
attest to the cyclical nature of the world we are living in.
TAO wisdom
Think about your own
nature with reference to the five elements. Are you strong and independent like
metal, bold and pioneering like wood, soft and flexible like water, fiery and passionate like fire, or nurturing and receptive like earth?
Also, think about the
different natures of the people around you, or you have to deal with.
Understanding their different natures may result in better and more harmonious
relationships with them. Indeed, the five elements can give you profound wisdom
and insight into many different life situations to help you avoid unnecessary
everyday conflicts and disparities.
The bottom line: learn
to live a life without any conflict and confrontation with others. To do just
that, you need to know not only yourself but also others.
“Knowing
others is intelligence.
Knowing
ourselves is true wisdom.
Overcoming
others is strength.
Overcoming
ourselves is true power.”
(Lao
Tzu, Tao
Te Ching, Chapter 33)
Everything
will be in its natural place because everything follows a natural cycle. So why
do you strain, stress, and strut yourself?
“We stay
in the very center of the Creator,
and
refrain from controlling our destiny.
Everything
will evolve and fall into its natural place,
according
to the laws of the Creator.”
(Lao
Tzu, Tao
Te Ching, Chapter 37)
Soft and flexible
To help you overcome conflicts
and resolve issues, you need the flexibility of TAO. Always be flexible,
instead of being strong-willed and uncompromising.
“The Way
is paradoxical.
Like
water, soft and yielding,
yet it
overcomes the hard and the rigid.
Stiffness
and stubbornness cause much suffering.
We all
intuitively know
that
flexibility and tenderness
are the
Way to go.
Yet our
conditioned mind
tells us
to go the other way.”
(Lao
Tzu, Tao
Te Ching, Chapter 78)
It does not mean that
you let people walk all over you and do nothing. Just step back, giving
yourself some open space to create a detached mindset. If you are combative and
strike back with a personal attack, you are in fact driving a nail into wood
with a hammer; when you pull out the nail, the puncture on the wood is still
there. So do not do anything that you may regret for the rest of your life.
Always defer your anger for later processing.
All in all
Having good human relationship with others may
not only afford you joy and happiness, but also heal you mentally, physically,
and spiritually through your own connections with others. On the other hand,
having bad human relationships may make you feel sad, lonely, hopeless, and
depressed.
“If we
are in harmony with the Creator,
we are
like newborn babies,
in natural
harmony with all.
Our
bones are soft, and our muscles are weak,
but our
grip is strong and powerful.”
(Lao
Tzu, Tao
Te Ching, Chapter 55)
We are all living in a
world of speed in which nothing seems to last too long, including human
relationships. In contemporary living, there is too much focus on speed. Given
that life is short, there is a great deal to be done and accomplished. As a
result, you may feel the compression of time, and you may have developed a
compulsive mind with a multi-tasking mindset, such as talking and texting on
the phone while driving at the same time.
Remember, it is your
compulsive mind that makes you feel distressed and unhappy. Ironically, it is
because you know and believe that nothing lasts, that you want to do more, much
more than necessary, hoping against hope that some of the things that you are
doing may last a little longer. Because nothing lasts, so you begin to look for
new ones to replace the ones that have expired. An example is a love
relationship: if it does not turn out to be what you have expected, you just
let it end itself, and then start looking for another one because it is your
belief that nothing lasts.
According to TAO, truly
nothing lasts, but that is the wrong way
to look at the impermanence of things. The right way is to look at everything with non-attachment, which is letting go of
whatever that happens in your life, be it joy or sorrow, success or failure,
happiness or un-happiness. Letting go essentially means understanding that
nothing lasts, and that what goes up must also come down, because everything in
life follows a certain natural order—just like youth becoming old age, and life
transforming into death. Understanding the impermanence of all things may
change how you are
going to live your life and interact with others. If nothing lasts, then let go
of everything, and live your life to the fullest, which is in the present. The
past was gone, so let it go; the future is yet to come, so let go of your
expectations. Only the present is real, so live it to the fullest.
“Therefore, we focus on the present moment,
doing what needs to be done,
without straining and stressing.
To end our suffering,
we focus on the present moment,
instead of our expected result.
So, we follow the natural laws of things.”
(Lao Tzu, Tao
Te Ching, Chapter 63)
Stephen Lau
Copyright© by Stephen Lau
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