How to Pray

How to Pray

Praying is never easy: often complicated, and even paradoxical.

You’ve got to know what you want so that you can ask what you want in order to get what you want.

So, before you pray, you must know your true self: who and what you really are, and not who and what you wish you were.

Praying is talking to God through your heart, and not your words; repeating a right set of words isn’t as important as your heart talking to Him.

Prayer is God’s gift to anyone who prays for that free gift.

So, to pray for that free gift, you must show your desire to feel God’s presence, which is in anyone and everyone, as well as in anything and everything.

Several decades ago, a former colleague of mine had the opportunity to meet and dine with Gladys Aylward, a British missionary to China, whose amazing story was made into a Hollywood film in 1958: “The Inn of the Sixth Happiness”, starring Ingrid Bergman.

My former colleague told me that at the dinner with Gladys she found it very “odd” that Gladys had repeated almost non-stop “Praise the Lord!” throughout the dinner—when someone passed her a dish, some bread, even salt and pepper, or when someone made a comment. It might not have looked “odd” to someone who’d like to feel the presence of God in every moment of his or her life.

So, from now on, whenever you say “Thank you” aloud, maybe you should also try to say in silence “Praise the Lord!” so that you may feel His presence in your heart.

To feel His omnipresence,  you must also still your thoughts with mindfulness, and live in the now.

Prayer is how you react and respond to His presence in your daily life.

Always begin your prayer with God, and not yourself.

Asking for your needs is self-delusional: God already knows your needs.

Asking for your wants is self-sabotaging: trying to make God change His mind about what He has already wanted for you.

So, don’t pray for “be happy”, “be healthy”, and “be wealthy.”

If you’re blessed with His presence, you’ll still feel your happiness even in your adversities. Depression is humans’ refusal of letting go to receive His presence.

If you’re blessed with His wisdom, you’ll know how to take care of your body, even when you’re sick.

If  you’re blessed  with His grace,  you’ll learn

to let go of your greed and covetousness for your wealth.

Always pray for your trust and obedience: trust that God will give you the power to “respond positively” to any life challenge you may face; obedience that God will give you the wisdom to embrace anything and every-thing to let go of your control of your own destiny.

Remember, your prayers are always answered, but not your own expectations.

The TAO wisdom (the ancient wisdom from China, based on the wisdom of Lao Tzu, the author of the ancient classic TAO Te Ching) shows you how to live your daily life, and how your prayers may be answered.

“An empty mind with no craving and no expectation helps us letting go.

Being in the world and not of the world, we attain heavenly grace.

With heavenly grace, we become pure and selfless.

And everything settles into its own perfect place.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 3) 

Li Ching-Yuan was probably the longest-living Chinese in history, who died on May 6, 1933 at the age of over 200 years.

This is one of his thought-provoking sayings regarding Zen, an Eastern philosophy about being and a way of thinking:

“Before I had studied Zen for thirty years,

I saw mountains as mountains, and waters as waters.

When I arrived with a more intimate knowledge,

I saw that mountains are not mountains,

and waters are not waters.

But now that I have got its very substance,

I am at rest.

For it is just that I see mountains once again as mountains, and waters once again as waters.”

Li Ching-Yuan

Li Ching-Yuan was talking about awakening or self-enlightenment, which is always effortless and spontaneous. So, if you strive to know and understand anything and everything, the awakening may never come.

You may like to pray, but your prayers are seldom answered; then you’ll see “mountains as mountains, and waters as waters.”

Your desire in seeking God may somehow change your perspectives; then you may see “mountains are not mountains, and waters are not waters.”

But finding God, and living in His presence, you’ll just see that “mountains once again as mountains, and waters once again as waters”—in other words, “prayers are seldom answered or not answered at all” is not only irrelevant but also inexplicable. What really matters is that you’ve found the spiritual wisdom to live your life as if everything is a miracle.

So, don’t use your pre-programmed causal reasoning to make sense out of the senseless in life. Instead, express your trust and obedience to your Creator and fully live in His presence.

Click here to get Why Prayers Are Seldom Answered.

Click here to get The Complete Tao Te Ching in Plain English.

Stephen Lau

Copyright © Stephen Lau

Teach Children About Sex

 Sex is “a big deal,” especially in a marriage.

Surprisingly, some couples may have more sexual intimacy after several years of marriage. The explanation is that by then they may have much reduced level of stress: better financial environment; children growing up; less worry about conceiving a child. In short, sex can even get better as years go by in a good and healthy marriage.

However, some couples may also cease their sexual intimacy due to: childbirth; pursuing a career; midlife crisis; an out-of-marriage affair. That, unfortunately, is also the reality.

Living together without love or physical intimacy is “living separate lives”—it may also be due to pornography, which is addictive, pervasive, and destructive to the addicts and their respective relationships.

So, it‘s important for parents to educate their children about sex. But how?

   Like building the foundation of a pyramid, teach them about the values of life and living, which are usually dignity, honor, and respect for self and others. 

   Growing up and getting married isn’t just about self or just two people: it’s about human relations—how you relate to others around you. For example, in a marriage it isn’t just about the relationship between you and your spouse; it also involves your children or stepchildren, the in-laws, and the friends. So, learn to develop good relationships, and teach your children to do likewise as they grow up. 

    Relationships are related to emotions, both positive and negative ones. Teach your children to control and manage their emotions and temper tantrums, which will play a pivotal in subsequent life choices and decisions.

All of the above will define and shape your children’s perceptions and understanding of the meaning and the importance of sexual intimacy when they grow up into adolescents and young adults.

The reality

Remember, just do your best, and let God do the rest. You can teach your children about sexual intimacy, but you just can’t control what they feel and experience in their lives. Controlling only generates resistance and distancing. This applies not only to your children, but also to your spouse. You can share with them what you believe in, but you just can’t make them believe what you believe in. That’s the reality.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

“GETTING MARRIED TO MAKE YOU HAPPY?”

Skin Aging

SKIN AGING

Everybody's skin ages with time, with no exception. But how?

 Intrinsic aging

Intrinsic aging is caused by internal factors in your body, some of which are beyond your control.

Cessation or interruption of skin cell replication

Your skin cells divide and replicate continually. However, after a while, they stop the replication process. Surprisingly, the skin cells do not perish; instead, they accumulate in your skin and secrete substances that further interrupt the natural renewal process of other healthy skin cells. Such interruption adversely affects the level of collagen, which is the most abundant protein in your body. Given that collagen makes up approximately six percent of your body weight, its breakdown takes away support of the skin, and thus causing fine wrinkles to appear on your face.

Decline of hormone production

In chronological aging, your body’s production of hormones declines as you age.

If you are a woman, your estrogen (hormones) level may decline by as much as 30 percent during the first ten years of menopause. This significant loss of estrogen not only causes your skin to become thinner and less elastic, but also prolongs the renewal process of your normal skin cells.

Change in physical structure of the face

Over time, the physical structure of your face changes due to the loss of bone mass and the decline in the volume of fat under the skin.

Stress

Stress may cause the flare up of acne, eczema (red swollen skin), and rosacea (a chronic skin disease in people with fair or light skin)—they damage skin texture.

Extrinsic aging

Extrinsic aging is often within your control because the contributing factors are no more than a reflection of your lifestyle.

Photo aging

The sun’s UVA and UVB rays cause irreparable damage to your skin, known as photo aging. Sunrays promote the growth of free radicals in your skin. Free radicals are damaging agents to youthful skin: they are responsible for the reduction of collagen (protein under your skin), causing your skin to become thin and loose; they accelerate the release of copper and iron from your skin cells, and thus promoting the growth of more free radicals.

Remember, going for that tanned look often comes with a hefty price.

Tobacco smoke

The nicotine in tobacco generates free radicals, which damage your skin.

Quit smoking immediately. Smoking is no longer “cool” when you look much older than your chronological age.

Excess alcohol consumption

Too much alcohol damages your liver. A dysfunctional liver cannot efficiently remove body toxins and waste products accumulated in your skin, and a damaged liver gives you a yellowish complexion, instead of a healthy glow.

Always drink moderately. More importantly, learn how to cleanse your liver to rid your body of toxic waste materials.

Pollutants from the water

Install a filter system (e.g. a home reverse-osmosis drinking water system) to filter out chemicals and pollutants from the water you use for drinking and bathing. Do not buy bottled water (unsafe plastic bottles).

Poor diet

Avoid all processed foods, which are loaded with chemicals, such as food colorings, food emulsifiers, and food preservatives, among other chemicals.

Go organic and eat only super foods. Eat a balanced diet with abundant antioxidant vitamins (vitamins A, C, and E) to ameliorate the oxidative stress of free radicals, which are the main agents for skin aging.

Dehydration

Dehydration dries up your skin. Water and body fluids form a major component of your body. They serve several important functions for your skin:

Cushioning skin cells for protection against external damage

Flushing out toxins through your sweat glands

Enhancing communication between skin cells, thereby maintaining skin sensitivity

Moistening skin tissues to prevent problems of dry skin

Transporting nutrients and oxygen to skin cells

Research studies have shown that 75 percent of Americans are chronically dehydrated due to the following reasons:

Dry artificially heated or cooled living environment

Regular consumption of dehydrated beverages, such as alcohol, caffeine, and carbonated sodas

Install a humidifier in your home.

Eat more fruits and vegetables. Your body produces water when it turns foods into energy. At least 25 percent of your daily water requirement should come from fruits and vegetables. Of course, drink only pure water, and drink more—not just eight glasses!

Wind and heat

Extreme wind and heat may also damage your skin, especially in a work environment outdoor, or with regular close proximity to fire, furnace, and stove, such as working in a kitchen.

Protect your skin from dehydration with lubricant, such as Vaseline pure petroleum jelly (no need for expensive body creams and lotions).

Gravity

Gravity, over time, weighs down your skin, causing it to sag. Gravity begins to have its toll on your face in your 40s and 50s.

To sum up, your lifestyle has an impact on not only your overall health but also the youthful look of your skin. Remember, in your 20s, you have the face that Nature gives you; in your 40s and 50s, you have the face that you might rightly deserve due to your lifestyle.

The bottom line: Make yourself look younger and healthier for longer.

Nora Wise

Copyright© by Nora Wise

NEW BOOK: Depression No Depression

 

This is my NEW BOOK on DEPRESSION.

We are living in a world of depression. Every day many are diagnosed with depression, and many even commit suicide as a way out of depression. 

But depression in all in your mind--your "thinking" mind--how it perceives and interprets all your life experiences. So, to avoid and or heal your depression is to "change" the way you think.

But how?

Use human wisdom--more specifically TAO wisdom, the ancient wisdom from China more than 2,600 years ago. But human wisdom may need spiritual wisdom to live in reality.

Many are not living in reality, but only in fancy and fantasy. That explains why there are so many crimes, sins and evils committed in society. Many have "no accountability" to their conscience or to God; instead, they think it is human right to do whatever they want to do, given that they have the gift of "free will."

If you "live in reality with accountability", you will have no depression.

Depression No Depression

Stephen Lau

Consciousness of Living

Consciousness of living

“Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows.” Pope Paul VI 

To live well, you must always be conscious of your living.

Simplicity in Living

Consciousness of living a simple lifestyle is the key to happiness and longevity. In this day and age, living in this complex world of technology is not easy: The complexity of this world has taken a toll on the human mind, creating undue stress, as well as many emotional, mental, personal, and psychological attachments in the material world. For these reasons, profound human wisdom in living is essential to overcoming stress and letting go of all attachments. Simplicity is the first step towards detachment, which holds the key to unlocking the door to happiness. Live a simple lifestyle, deleting all the trimmings of life and living, as well as all the attachments that may have a negative impact on your mind.

Epicurus, the Greek philosopher, had this advice on how to lead a pleasant life: avoiding luxuries, and living simply. The explanation is that luxurious living may make you into a “needy” person whose happiness always depends on things that are impermanent and easily lost.

The late Robert Kennedy once said: “Sometimes I think that the only people in this country who worry more about money than the poor are the very wealthy. They worry about losing it, they worry about how it is invested, they worry about the effect it’s going to have. And as the zeroes increase, the dilemmas get bigger.” 

Can you live a simple lifestyle to help you let go of all the trimmings of life?

When you were in your younger days, you might have had many attachments to life that define who you were, such as the car you were driving, the designer dress you were wearing, or anything that defined your social status. Can you, at this point in your life, let go of all these attachments and just lead a simple life? 

Living in simplicity is living a humble life, which is emptying your toxic cravings and attachments.

“All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath.” (Ephesians 2:3)

Attachments create your ego-self that not only separates you from others but also gives you your pride, instead of humility.

“Focusing on status gives us pride, and not humility.

Hoarding worldly riches deprives us of heavenly assets.

An empty mind with no craving and no expectation helps us let go of everything.

Being in the world and not of the world, we attain heavenly grace.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, chapter 2)

But with humility, we may see who we really are, not what we wish we were, and what we really need, not what we want. Humility is self-enlightening.

“Ever humble, we see the mysteries of all things created.

Ever proud, we see only the manifestations of all things created.

Only the mysteries, and not the manifestations,

show us the Way to true wisdom.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, chapter 1)

Live a simple life, especially as you continue to age, and you just don’t die!

Simplicity gives your clarity of thinking to see the wisdom of living in the present: the past was gone; the future is yet to come, and only the present is real—a gift from the Creator, and that is why it is called “present.”

"Simplicity is clarity.

It is a blessing to learn from those

with humble simplicity.

Those with an empty mind

will learn to find the Way.

The Way reveals the secrets of the universe:

the mysteries of the realm of creation;

the manifestations of all things created.

The essence of the Way is to show us

how to live in fullness and return to our origin."

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, chapter 65)

Clarity of thinking may let you have the true human wisdom to know your true nature, thereby ending your craving and hence your self-imposed suffering.

In the present moment, with clarity of mind, you may begin to see the ultimate truths of the self, others, as well as everything around you. More importantly, you may see your past follies in identifying yourself with your thoughts that have created your ego-self, your present futile efforts in striving to protect your ego-self, and your future futilities in expecting that your ego-self will all its attachments will continue to exist in the days to come.  

Living in the present is an awakening to the realities of all things. It may afford you an opportunity to look more objectively at any given situation, allowing your mind to think more clearly, to separate the truths from the self-deceptions that might have been created in your subconscious minds all along.

Focusing on the present moment liberates you from projecting your desires into the future as expectations that necessitate your over-doing to guarantee their fulfillment.

“Therefore, we focus on the present moment,

doing what needs to be done,

without straining and stressing.

To end our suffering,

we focus on the present moment,

instead of our expected result.

So, we follow the natural laws of things.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, chapter 63)

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

FREE BOOK - The Ego-Self

               FREE BOOK

"An Ego-Self"

Throughout your life, you may have focused so much on yourself that you have become self-center. The more you know yourself, the more you understand that you are different from others, and that you have an ego-self. With no exception, we all have an ego-self, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Yes, we are all different from each other. But your ego-self may become troublesome if you cannot accept others as who they are, and you always want to “inflate” your own ego-self to become better than others. Very often, in the process of inflating your ego, you create many “attachments” to define who you think you are or wish you were, as well as to separate yourself from others. Your attachments can come in different forms, such as a successful career, living in a multi-million dollar home, or driving an expensive car. To pursue or maintain those attachments, you may even resort to doing all the wrong things, such as pushing someone over while climbing your own ladder of success.

But why an inflated ego-self? 

It is because you want to “control” others so that you may have better control of your own life and destiny. Remember, control is power. With power, you may think that you can have the life you want.

With pride, you want to take control of everything happening in your life through your control of others. On the other hand, with humility, you can seek the help of the Higher-Being to be your Helper.

So, the leading question is: Do you want the Helper or do you want to do everything on your own?

Get this FREE BOOK to find out how to become a believer to overcome your pride and let God control your life and destiny.

Stephen Lau

FREE BOOK - Living in Reality

               FREE BOOK

"Living in Reality" is accountability.

Here is a hypothetical illustration of "accountability":

You were one of the last two persons at a bar. You were sitting close to each other. The person finished his drink and left the bar, leaving some cash for the bartender, who, at that moment, was away with your credit card. You grabbed the tip left on the table by the man who had just left, and then placed it toward you. The bartender returned with your credit card, looked at the money right in front of you, and said: “Thank you.” 

Did you do anything "wrong"? 

If you had intended not to give the bartender any tip anyway, what you did had not "changed" the scenario—the bartender would still have said: “Thank you” with or without your tip, and she would have received the same amount of tip. 

What is important in that hypothetical illustration is the accountability. The reality of one minor misbehavior with no accountability will often lead to many more serious ones with no accountability. 

The "No-Accountability" Mindset 

In this world, many have developed their own “no accountability” mindset based on their own beliefs, their own justifications, and their own rationalizations. They simply have no accountability to the law and order, not to mention to God. 

For example, the laws are made to be broken because some of the lawmakers themselves do not comply or even obey the law they have created. That explains the prevalence of crimes committed in society. For example, the police are not to be obeyed, because the police are corrupt, and often racially biased. For example, the Church is not to be trusted because there are so many sexual scandals among priests. So, pastors and priests are not to be trusted and accountable to. For example, God is neither fair nor just: there is so much discrepancy between the abundant and the lack; between the good who suffer and the bad who prosper and are seemingly blessed. So, why should there be accountability to God? The thinking mind: “I am not the only one with no accountability; I am just one of the many. So, what is wrong with that?”

But, if you are a true believer, you will believe in your accountability to God, and you will live your life quite differently from an unbeliever.

Get this FREE BOOK to find out how to become a believer.

Stephen Lau

How to Pray

How to Pray

Praying is never easy: often complicated, and even paradoxical.

You’ve got to know what you want so that you can ask what you want in order to get what you want.

So, before you pray, you must know your true self: who and what you really are, and not who and what you wish you were.

Praying is talking to God through your heart, and not your words; repeating a right set of words isn’t as important as your heart talking to Him.

Prayer is God’s gift to anyone who prays for that free gift.

So, to pray for that free gift, you must show your desire to feel God’s presence, which is in anyone and everyone, as well as in anything and everything.

Several decades ago, a former colleague of mine had the opportunity to meet and dine with Gladys Aylward, a British missionary to China, whose amazing story was made into a Hollywood film in 1958: “The Inn of the Sixth Happiness”, starring Ingrid Bergman.

My former colleague told me that at the dinner with Gladys she found it very “odd” that Gladys had repeated almost non-stop “Praise the Lord!” throughout the dinner—when someone passed her a dish, some bread, even salt and pepper, or when someone made a comment. It might not have looked “odd” to someone who’d like to feel the presence of God in every moment of his or her life.

So, from now on, whenever you say “Thank you” aloud, maybe you should also try to say in silence “Praise the Lord!” so that you may feel His presence in your heart.

To feel His omnipresence,  you must also still your thoughts with mindfulness, and live in the now.

Prayer is how you react and respond to His presence in your daily life.

Always begin your prayer with God, and not yourself.

Asking for your needs is self-delusional: God already knows your needs.

Asking for your wants is self-sabotaging: trying to make God change His mind about what He has already wanted for you.

So, don’t pray for “be happy”, “be healthy”, and “be wealthy.”

If you’re blessed with His presence, you’ll still feel your happiness even in your adversities. Depression is humans’ refusal of letting go to receive His presence.

If you’re blessed with His wisdom, you’ll know how to take care of your body, even when you’re sick.

If  you’re blessed  with His grace,  you’ll learn

to let go of your greed and covetousness for your wealth.

Always pray for your trust and obedience: trust that God will give you the power to “respond positively” to any life challenge you may face; obedience that God will give you the wisdom to embrace anything and every-thing to let go of your control of your own destiny.

Remember, your prayers are always answered, but not your own expectations.

The TAO wisdom (the ancient wisdom from China, based on the wisdom of Lao Tzu, the author of the ancient classic TAO Te Ching) shows you how to live your daily life, and how your prayers may be answered.

“An empty mind with no craving and no expectation helps us letting go.

Being in the world and not of the world, we attain heavenly grace.

With heavenly grace, we become pure and selfless.

And everything settles into its own perfect place.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 3) 

Li Ching-Yuan was probably the longest-living Chinese in history, who died on May 6, 1933 at the age of over 200 years.

This is one of his thought-provoking sayings regarding Zen, an Eastern philosophy about being and a way of thinking:

“Before I had studied Zen for thirty years,

I saw mountains as mountains, and waters as waters.

When I arrived with a more intimate knowledge,

I saw that mountains are not mountains,

and waters are not waters.

But now that I have got its very substance,

I am at rest.

For it is just that I see mountains once again as mountains, and waters once again as waters.”

Li Ching-Yuan

Li Ching-Yuan was talking about awakening or self-enlightenment, which is always effortless and spontaneous. So, if you strive to know and understand anything and everything, the awakening may never come.

You may like to pray, but your prayers are seldom answered; then you’ll see “mountains as mountains, and waters as waters.”

Your desire in seeking God may somehow change your perspectives; then you may see “mountains are not mountains, and waters are not waters.”

But finding God, and living in His presence, you’ll just see that “mountains once again as mountains, and waters once again as waters”—in other words, “prayers are seldom answered or not answered at all” is not only irrelevant but also inexplicable. What really matters is that you’ve found the spiritual wisdom to live your life as if everything is a miracle.

So, don’t use your pre-programmed causal reasoning to make sense out of the senseless in life. Instead, express your trust and obedience to your Creator and fully live in His presence.

Click here to get Why Prayers Are Seldom Answered.

Click here to get The Complete Tao Te Ching in Plain English.

Stephen Lau

Copyright © Stephen Lau